you need someone to zap you back to reality

hey buddy look closer

 

 

 

 

seriously

i dont understand

why you doing this.

 

 

 

 

 

laugh

fuckface you need to laugh

okay

 

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH

 

i need be rocking the world

 

someone made my day

 

laugh

 

oh come on

 

you are not looking at the right angle

 

its 35 degrees

 

ah

 

yes

 

now look

 

you see it

don’t you

 

i see it

 

do you?

 

hahahahhahahahhahahhahahhahahahhahahhahahahahhahahah

 

i think my soul searching for today ends

 

thank you iman

 

although you may never know what you have done

 

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA

 

soulsearching

where art thou?

 

i look in despair

for you

 

every corner

 

every alley

 

but i don’t see you

 

where art thou?

retreat

retreat

 

let go

 

release

 

dig out the eye

feed it to the hungry

tear it open

and

retreat

 

retreat

 

because it hurts

 

tell me it hurts no more

 

oh tell me

 

you know there’s a time when you reminisce and say that dad and mom was right.

look

closely

 

what do you see?

 

listen

closely

 

what do you hear?

 

now you know

 

who are you to kid?

 

him? her?

 

no

 

i kid myself

 

whitened your knuckles

around the flick knife

 

hey

you know probably

 

you are right

 

painless

meandering river

meandering tears

crimson red

 

slash

slice

stab

 

slit

 

what do you feel?

 

ah.

 

out of the world.

 

swirling

gyrating

 

in the endless pitch black vortex

 

to the other side

probably that is where you need be

 

listen

do you hear yourself?

 

do you?

 

closer

 

move closer

your ears on its chest

 

confused

 

oh shut up

i do know now

 

but who do i kid

 

him? her?

 

oh i know

i kid myself

you retard

 

 

 

 

yes its you ash my retarding douchebag

 

 

yes you.

 

 

 

you know who you are

 

 

 

a tribute to the ones who filled the gap between my fingers

 

to those who made me day

 

to those who gave me strength

 

to those who lift me up when im down

 

to those who were with me thick and thin

 

to those who told me to relax and relax

 

to those who did soulsearching for me

 

to those who loved me back in return

 

 

i love you people

so much

 

it dawned upon me

 

suddenly

it dawned upon me

its me

its me

its me

 

why don’t i see it

 

time

 

my teacher

 

oh slide with the wind

 

and gently touch

and caress my cheek

tell me oh wise one

tell me

 

is it me?

 

suddenly

it dawned upon me

 

its me.

 

dear you.

 

“darling i hope you do know that i will go to not only great lengths but to immeasurable lengths for you ,

i also do hope you do know that to this point of our relationship however short that is ,

i’ve accepted you and the package you come with,

your problems, your culture, your people, your perspective, your mindset,

your life,

i hope you do realize that i have taken in a lot like a sponge ,

adjusting, adapting, accepting,

with all this sacrifices,

there’s so much more space left……

i will hold your hand till the end of times,

to the end of the horizons

to the end of life itself

even though i may never be parallel to your conventionalities

or may never be in the ivy league

what does matter is that i love you unconditionally in case you think i don’t

only time will tell

lets keep all the unsaid for time to unveil……..”

 

ps: i hope you understand…

 

fuck you slapstick violence lover

 

left one out.

 

lol

we made slut the cam?

outing with my love and my homie

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“these to my

 grave”

 

 

 

sometimes

 

sometimes

you will never know

of the silhouette that quietly

picks up the kitchen knife

 

sometimes

you will never know of

the unexpected left hand

that disappears from

our stereoscopic view

 

sometimes

you will never know of

the rubber gloves

and the rambo dagger

nor the chlorofoamed hankerchief

 

sometimes

you will never know of

the secret affairs

of your heart

your liver

and your mind

 

sometimes

you will never know of

the black cat

that stalks you

and moves with poise

confidence

confiding from the silhouettes of

the dark city

 

sometimes

you will never know of

him or her

or life

or life’s doings

 

sometimes

you will never know

till

the kitchen knife pierces

even sometimes

the kitchen knife pierces a million times

you will never know

 

sometimes

you will never know

till

the left hand appears

but only with something in its grasp

and

you

gasping for air

clawing the dark blue abyss of murky water

your eyes staring glaring at the tiny white light

right at the top of the surface

but

…………..

 

sometimes

you will never know

till

the strand of hair is identified

or the bloodstain that takes refuge

from the cold steel of the jagged dagger

actually belongs to a name

 

sometimes

you will never know

till

poise and confidence wears off

and the metal garbage can

topples

and you turn your head

you see its rigid furry black tail

 

sometimes

you will never know

till it knocks at your door

and you open

 

 

“Hello Terence,

its me,

tried calling you,

but you didnt pick up,

so i had to drop by,

its me,

 

LIFE”

 

 

 

 

 

reaction to the pictures below from her. =)

 

T e r e n c e  S p e n c e r ' s eyebrow hair is longer than his hair   -.-   -.- says (10:27 PM):
-.-
took YOU forever..
lol
llollll
anyway babe
enter my blog at ur own risk
no no no
i dont think i wan u to enter

T e r e n c e  S p e n c e r ' s eyebrow hair is longer than his hair   -.-   -.- says (10:28 PM):
i wanna c ur original reaction tomorrow
babbeeeeeeeee
apa lu buattt

[-PhiL-] You're Love Is A Verb Here In My Room says (10:29 PM):
(shock)  x 10000000000

T e r e n c e  S p e n c e r ' s eyebrow hair is longer than his hair   -.-   -.- says (10:29 PM):
wat?
wat>??
wat??
wat??
u saw already???????????
aiyaaaa

[-PhiL-] You're Love Is A Verb Here In My Room says (10:29 PM):
YOUR HAIRRRRRRRRRR
OMFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

T e r e n c e  S p e n c e r ' s eyebrow hair is longer than his hair   -.-   -.- says (10:29 PM):
tomorrow only c only shock la..
so tell me disgusting?

[-PhiL-] You're Love Is A Verb Here In My Room says (10:30 PM):
OMFGGGGGGG

T e r e n c e  S p e n c e r ' s eyebrow hair is longer than his hair   -.-   -.- says (10:30 PM):
lollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

[-PhiL-] You're Love Is A Verb Here In My Room says (10:30 PM):
your offline btw

T e r e n c e  S p e n c e r ' s eyebrow hair is longer than his hair   -.-   -.- says (10:30 PM):
huh?

[-PhiL-] You're Love Is A Verb Here In My Room says (10:30 PM):
but OMFGGGGGGGGG

T e r e n c e  S p e n c e r ' s eyebrow hair is longer than his hair   -.-   -.- says (10:30 PM):
ohh
lol

[-PhiL-] You're Love Is A Verb Here In My Room says (10:30 PM):
ZOMFG
OH MY MOTHERING DAY
SHOOT ME

T e r e n c e  S p e n c e r ' s eyebrow hair is longer than his hair   -.-   -.- said (10:31 PM):
darling ....

T e r e n c e  S p e n c e r ' s eyebrow hair is longer than his hair   -.-   -.- says (10:31 PM):
dont laaaaa.im sad already........
-.-
lol
babeeeeeeeeeeeee

[-PhiL-] You're Love Is A Verb Here In My Room says (10:32 PM):
yes

T e r e n c e  S p e n c e r ' s eyebrow hair is longer than his hair   -.-   -.- says (10:32 PM):
wat dya think?

[-PhiL-] You're Love Is A Verb Here In My Room says (10:33 PM):
its okay =(

T e r e n c e  S p e n c e r ' s eyebrow hair is longer than his hair   -.-   -.- says (10:34 PM):
-.-
okaaayayyyyyyyyy
sighh
(heaves loudy)

[-PhiL-] You're Love Is A Verb Here In My Room says (10:34 PM):
i still love you a 110% percent
and with your buff body i honestly think you do look sexy

T e r e n c e  S p e n c e r ' s eyebrow hair is longer than his hair   -.-   -.- says (10:34 PM):
eeee 
lol...
lolll

T e r e n c e  S p e n c e r ' s eyebrow hair is longer than his hair   -.-   -.- says (10:35 PM):
LLLLLLoooooLLOOooooOooLLLLL
YEAHHH!!!!!!
ok at least that was d best comment eva after my haircut

T e r e n c e  S p e n c e r ' s eyebrow hair is longer than his hair   -.-   -.- says (10:36 PM):
so did u criticise or comment on my blog.. 
loll

[-PhiL-] You're Love Is A Verb Here In My Room says (10:36 PM):
no baby
but i love it
eventho i loved your old hair. i love this one better
your my first mafia looking boyf

T e r e n c e  S p e n c e r ' s eyebrow hair is longer than his hair   -.-   -.- says (10:36 PM):
LOLLLL

T e r e n c e  S p e n c e r ' s eyebrow hair is longer than his hair   -.-   -.- says (10:37 PM):
wait u just said its ok.. LOL..   i love U!
mafia looking boyfriend
LOLLL

[-PhiL-] You're Love Is A Verb Here In My Room says (10:37 PM):
no
i said I LOVE IT

T e r e n c e  S p e n c e r ' s eyebrow hair is longer than his hair   -.-   -.- says (10:37 PM):
tha is blogworthy
!
mwaaaa!!!!!!!!

[-PhiL-] You're Love Is A Verb Here In My Room says (10:38 PM):
yes yes. tell the whole world
your gf is not some atas bitch eventho she's an atas chic

T e r e n c e  S p e n c e r ' s eyebrow hair is longer than his hair   -.-   -.- says (10:38 PM):
lolll... nah its ok...   cuz i know lol ppl will laugh at me.. lol...
shes the best atas girl eveer ALIVE  =)

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

well,

i just told the whole world

=)

 

before and after

 

 

my beloved hair before

 

blade 3

 

 

blade 2

 

someone please tell me

i still look sexy

lol

confessions of the heavy hearted

don’t read

for then you may think i don’t love you as much as you do.

i say so is because you write literature

i write ulutard english

lol

 

 

i will tell you my secrets

the ones recessing at the back of my head

the ones lingering around the atriums

for i want you to keep telling yours

your deepest secret

your darkest secret

 

why?

 

for this stable port we walk

where no one is watching

it does not matter at all

for they are immaterial to me

for who you were

or

you what you did

or the life you led

 

i don’t care

like you said

lets turn a new chapter

lets crush the creased ones

and start over on the uncreased ones

 

for i love you for who you are

therefore i love the

problems that fill the gap between your fingers

i will remove them and fill the gap with my fingers

 

together

hand in hand

thick and thin

tempestuous and calm

nevertheless

nonetheless

hand in hand

still…

 

i have kuci instead of gucci

channel instead of chanel

le foa instead of le feit

i can’t afford to buy you houses for a dare

nor

afford islands for you to hoolala around

i have nothing shiny and glorifying

 

but what i do have

is my heart

my sincere heart

my love

my sincere love

its like i’ve fallen in love again

 

this one is different

and we can go through firsts

together again

 

but when i leave

i’m going to ask you to hold on

hold on to what you think is worth it

for i will hold on

for i will hold tightly

like a precious gem of priceless uniquity

 

i can’t say enough

but only say

i will always be your venting machine

of love, patience,hope, trust

and faith

but i will be different than the rest

you don’t need to feed me coins

all you have to do is

be there.

 

i am everywhere

the truth is i have never left

look closely

i am there

feel your heartbeat

you’ll feel me

listen closely

its me.

 

this love will pull us thru baby

 

“i wouldn’t trade you for the world i swear,
and you can count on that.
i may never show up randomly at your doorstep with the words of an angel,
but i’ll always be there.”

 

i wouldn’t trade you for the world i promise

cross my heart

never.

i promise.

i swear

 

i’ll wait for you ,

we’ll spend quiet time to make up for

the future 2 years that ill be away.

i love u n i will always do.

 

baby, with all things said & done. departing from you would be the hardest thing.

baby,ive never depart or i never will

so

listen

feel

look

closely

 

there you are

here i am

lets get lost in translation….

 

 

 

 

i love you.

 

 

dont’t be pissed at me.. i’m just sad.

 

 

All my bags are packed
Im ready to go
Im standin here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye

But the dawn is breakin
Its early morn
The taxis waitin
Hes blowin his horn
Already Im so lonesome

I could die……

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that youll wait for me
Hold me like youll never let me go…

cause Im leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when Ill be back again

Oh babe,

I hate to go

Theres so many times Ive let you down
So many times Ive played around
I tell you now, they dont mean a thing

Evry place I go, Ill think of you
Evry song I sing, Ill sing for you

When I come back, Ill bring your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that youll wait for me
Hold me like youll never let me go…

cause Im leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when Ill be back again

Oh babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you..

One more time
Let me kiss you

Then close your eyes
Ill be on my way

Dream about the days to come
When I wont have to leave alone
About the times, I wont have to say

Oh, kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that youll wait for me
Hold me like youll never let me go

cause Im leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when Ill be back again

Oh babe, I hate to go

But, Im leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when Ill be back again

Oh babe,

I hate to go..

 

 

 

 

PS. i’m really sad..

im gonna miss u

 

 

but i’ll be back =)

 

of paper hearts and the real ones.

 

 

i wish i am there to calm you

to hug you

to hold you close

and take all your worries away

 

i wish i am there

so that i can be your venting machine

 

“the only two things i want to do now

would be to hug you and feel the warmth of your body against mine

and know that everything's okay just being in your arms

and kissing you.”

 

oh wait.

i am there to hug you

to hold you close

to take your worries away

i am there to be your only one venting machine

your go to guy

look closely

you’ll see me

 

 

 

and yes i see you.

 

 

 

i love you.

 

 

 

when you think you get your life all figured out. and ya some grouses.

 

 

 

when you think you have it all figured out

 

what more can someone ask for

for someone my age

really

what more

i think i have it figured it out

but seriously why do i have aching questions still

disturbing thoughts still

 

okay

let me lay out my life

for you and my plan in life in

a very very detailed and superficial level

but trust i have it figured out or i think i have

like in a massive deep level

 

someone told me

that sometimes you have to live your life

like a dog

live from day to day

don’t think so much

i have a brain that thinks too much

 

i think most bout

 

my business

my responsibilities

as a son

as a boyfriend.. lol..

just kidding.. im naturally good at it. =)

basically i think ALOT.

 

someone please tell me my life would be all sorted out

 

MY MAPPED OUT LIFE

 

okay 19 years old.

here i am waiting to be in pilot school

sponsored by mas

2 years into course and i would be out of it

and start flying by the age of 21or 22

i want to settle by the age of 25

cuz i dont want me(soon to be dad)to be too old

to bond with my teenage sons.. lol

and be a pilot till i retire

50’s prob 60 ‘s prob?

then live on my epf money then die happily ever after. =)

 

here’s some of my dreams

 

i want to be a really good father

2nd i really want to be a good husband

3rd i really want to have a real rockin family

4th i want health and wealth to come along

5th i want to be different.

you’ll never understand the term i speak off till you know me real well

 

WELLL SADLY I HAVE MY OWN GROUSES

 

the 40 year plan

 

i want to escape from the financial shackles of reality

that people are facing

why do people subscribe to the 40 year old plan??

the plan that your dad told you or your teacher told you

 

ah this one is famous.

“study hard, get good grades, get a double degree, get a masters or wtv, get a good job
and you are set for LIFE”
-dads, moms, teachers, everyone..

really now??

 

when you were in school

why did no one tell you that being an engineer,doctor, or wtv means

going to work from 9 to 6 the least

and your salary sucks donkeys balls

to start with

and you answer your boss

“how far?”

when your boss asks you to jump

and you work for the least of 40 years.

for christ’s sake.

theres more to LIFE.

 

okaaay

lets say you are all ambitious bout climbing up the corporate ladder

look at your boss

if you get REAL goood at your job.

you’ll end up like your boss

do you reallly want to be like your boss?

spending more time at work

puttin more hours in

spending time out of work thinkin bout work

and he watches his children grow horizontally

cuz he leaves the house when its dark and the children are asleep

and gets back when its dark when the children are asleep

rather the maid is watchin them grow vertically.

do you really want to spend more time with their bosses than with their family?

 

people should be busy to stop being busy

but people are busy keeping busy

these are the people i see everyday in train stations like mechanical zombies

going to work

and they actually wake up after the caffeine touches their lips

in the office

 

the attack of the alarm

the best time to sleep is from 6am to 9 am.

because that is when your bloody alarm

have to ring

and trust me if you do this often enough like years already like

my mom

she wakes the alarm up rather than the alarm wakes her

another dream is to banish all alarm clocks when i can do so in the future

 

the door to door people

oh  you people hate the mlm door to door people

or the salesman who’s trying to earn an honest living

at least they are straight up that they are selling products

 

what bout you people

you people sell too

you sell your souls to your bosses

you sell your values

you sell on you dreams

you sell LIFE

to your boss

so that your boss can live the LIFE

 

at least the door to door salesman is selling upfront

for his freedom

not some boss

 

talkin bout door to door

you go dood to door

from your bedroom door to the bathroom door to the bedroom door to the house door

to the car door to the office door

back to car door , house door, bathroom door , bedroom door

and you do this door to door bullshit for 40 years and you hate door to door salesman? seriously??

like a car viper.

really now??

think bout it.

 

 

i want to be different

 

i dont want to be like anyone of you out there

majority of you

i want to be different

you see my worries here?

you see my grouses?

 

on this part im not going to say much.

 

no words can describe what im doin different

that will cme sensible to any of you

i make a promise to myself.

in 10 years or so.

i will be significantly making a change.

i crap not.

i rant not.

 

 

“what you believe does not matter at all,

but the fruits of your belief are the ones that matters”

-Terence Spencer Tan